habits...

i learned in personality psychology that habits can be changed/altered. but i highly doubt that, maybe like temporarily but eventually you go back to the same old you. like i get it, you have habits that you pick up and can try to toss to the curb -- but habits that you kinda just acquire and don't realize you do are probably the hardest, if not impossible, to get rid of (i.e. smoking, sleeping habits, eating habits, etc). i realize i have tons of annoying habits that i wish i could easily change/alter, but i guess i wouldn't be me without them! so here's few that i compiled while i was in class of my notsogoodiwishicouldchange habits:

1. biting my nails. gross i know, but trust me i've tried and tried and tried not to, but when i get SO bored and stressed pick pick pick, bite bite bite, gross gross spew. :\ actually, in spain i got one of those nail polishes that taste bitter and it's supposed to stop you from biting ur nails -- and if anything it just made me wanna throw up. i didn't stop biting my nails either. it was just annoying cuz even when i went to touch my lip to put on chapstick, the minute the damn thing hit my lips -- DISGUSTO. ugh, and i didn't even mean to buy it, i meant to buy nailpolish remover. yuck.

2. fiddling with my hair. when i'm super nervous i usually go straight for my hair. i brush it, braid it, twirl it, yank at it, just basically anything you can think of doing with a piece of hair i do. this is why i felt so lost when i cut my hair. i didn't know what to fiddlediddle with! sad.

3. sleeping late! i think i'd do anything to not sleep for some reason. don't get me wrong, i LOVE naps, but i'd rather nap during the day and be able to stay up all night talking, reading, playing, watching tv, or doing absolutely nothing. disgusting.

4. procrastination. it's a shit habit, but i have better things to do, like not doing homework. yes, i'm sorry for having a life. geez.

5. slouching. everyone does it, it sucks, and i know my mom's right in saying i'll regret it when i get older. ugh.

bahh. anyhoo poo doo be doo doo, i am going to definitely buy halloween tickets tonight! i guess i'll have to put off buying my costume til thursday when jonnys with me, but i will definitely let you know what i pick!! i love halloween, and i cannot wait to get everyone together and just have tons of fun because it's been too too long and this is very much needed. le sigh. okay psych lab time! peace out homies.

♥, moi

trying to figure out a purpose...

so, i think everyone my age can agree -- we're pretty much supposed to know exactly what we wanna do in life and where we wanna go, if not already heading down that path to get there. i have so many friends with special talents and qualities that make them so unique and almost destined to be something. as for me, i'm just a confused, lost soul sitting on the side of the road hitchhiking trying to get to the right place. seriously, i'm 22 years old, and i still am confused if i'm cut out to do all this law business. people make it sound like you have to be special and gifted in order to even be successful nowadays and i'm just your typical plain jane. (minus the jane, plus the nicole) i wish our lives had some teaser or trailer as to what was going to happen within each year. i think that is something i definitely will speak to someone about after i die. i think everyone will benefit from that. :]

anyway, lots to do this week! homework assignments up the yingyang and lots of cleaning to do. this whole law frat thing is kinda getting iffier and iffier. they basically called saying i have to go to a meeting on wednesday night at 8:45 -- professional attire required. geez louise sheez. very cultlike if you ask me. i guess that means the interview went well?
how come i have no motivation whatsoever to do anything productive. i have no self-discipline at all and i would do anything to not do stuff for school. (but then i don't think i'd blog if i wasn't like that) but okay no more! i will do something tonight, even if it is super late and i probably should go to sleep cuz i have class from 8:40am to 5pm tomorrow. yes. to homework i go!


but you can watch this...;)
[merci colleenieee]

costume choices!

i love the fall! now if only the weather would realize that the seasons have changed and cool down a little, so the leaves can turn and fall to the ground! grr...
anyway, soo i think i finally narrowed down my halloween costume! i just need your help to decide. i have no idea which one i wanna be, soo -- hopefully you guys will give me your opinion and it'll make my choice that much easier. ;) well first i tried on the Robin costume (from batman) and i thought it was cute and boyish, especially cuz i loved batman when i was little (and especially now -- christian bale = DROOL) so i tried it on, took a pic, and ya...and thennnnn -- i tried on a tinkerbell costume which i fell in love with cuz it was cute cute cute. BUT -- i just have to hunt and find a blonde wig if i do this. soo ya, here are the pics [HELP] and hopefully i'll make a decision soon before everything sells out and next thing i know it's halloween and i don't have a costume!!! :(
[and yes, i did feel kinda dumb taking a picture in a dressing room.]

okay anyway, this weekend went by TOO quick. it's already saturday night and i haven't been as productive as i've wanted to be AT ALL. crapola. i will definitely do lots tomorrow i promise. i spent the whole day lallygagging and running errands with chanel. now i'm a busy bee doing laundry and all that nonsense. i hate unproductive days. blahblah. i cannot wait for halloweeeeen! it's seriously the beginning of the best time of the year! jonny comes on wednesday! hoorayyy! i feel like it's been forever since i've seen him, but it really hasn't been that long. colleenie and i were talking about old times, looking through old pics, and it's so sad that so many fun times were so far in the past. well hopefully there will be tons and tons more to look foward to!
[sidenote story time: i'm watching V for Vendetta -- SO SO good. i love V! when i was in England, they really did celebrate the 5th of November and have bonfires and fireworks! but they celebrate the fact that Guy Fawkes (aka the mask of V) was burned at stake and was stopped before he blew up Parliament with explosives -- hence the fireworks and bonfires. leave it to the English to celebrate someone's death. geez. that's where i actually met jonny -- at a fireworks party and we were both wasted and you can guess what happened from there. you know how alcohol impairs your judgement! hehehehe joke joke joke. kk that's all.]

okay, so i wasn't going to talk about all this "balloon boy" nonsense, but i don't even know why in the world the people are wasting their time even talking/debating about whether or not the flyaway boy was a hoax or not. it's SO obvious the parents were weirdos, stormchasing -- sleeping in their clothes so they're ready to chase a storm and be taken away or watever they're into, and they've been on wife swap TWICE before so they just wanted the media's attention. I mean the little boy said it was all for a show, he threw up twice on national morning television! pretty much their family's doing everything but wearing matching hats that say FAKE FAKE FAKE on them. geez louise sheez! and that's all i'm gonna say about that.
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colleenie take a look at this. do you think we should try it ;)
britney news!

alrighty, ew now my writing is underlined and i don't know how to get rid of it! :( eekers! okay i guess that's my cue to peace out of here mi amigos! adios!!

♥, moi

decisions decisions....

soo. i went halloween costume shopping, and i cannot for the life of me decide what to be. i guess because i was out of the loop last year and didn't really buy an actual costume, this years feels like such a long time since i've actually bought a legit costume for halloween. i miss it! that ghetto little costume shop down the street felt like such a flashback being in there. anyway i have a top 5 of what i want to be: robin (from batman and robin), marie antoinette, ghostbusters, tinkerbell, or barbie. je ne sais pas. oh well, i'll think about it more over the weekend.

busy busy weekend coming up. i have to make sure to study for midterms! so that i won't have to be super stressed when jonny comes to visit. ahh we finally figured out halloween and i cant cant wait!!!! [halloweenoc.com] everyone should go! hopefully we get everything sorted and we can get the tickets asap. oh man, watching makeup tutorials on youtube is addicting, and soo bad for me. it makes me wanna go out and buy cosmetics/brushes/accesories. basically, everything i DONT need. terrible! actually, i remembered i pre-ordered a MAC palette of eyeshadows that i have to pick up! [EW..just checked and they charged me TWICE for it...ugh. just my luck. going to complain in the morning *mental note*]

i think this month should be called 'the rising of the dead month' because soo many old people i haven't talked to in SO long are getting back in touch. crazy. first, adam calls me and it trips me out because i haven't talked to him on the phone since like freshman year! second, my sister jovan calls me which she never calls, my brother texts me (we never talk), i've been running into many old school people i totally forgot about (and don't remember their names), it just keeps on coming..t-r-i-p-p-y.
ah well. so i can't wait for friday to be done and over with. i'm just TIRED of schooooooooool already and hate that it's going to go on longer than totally thought/wanted it to be. OMG i can't wait for christmas. but first i have to go through 2/3 holidays in holiday season! :D i'll just try my best to be patient! (which i am NOT)

so i took that personality quiz i gave earlier -- and according to the Big 5 i rate as follows:

Openness to experience/intellect - 70% - relatively open to new experiences
Conscientiousness - 35% - i tend to do things haphazardly [eep!]
Extraversion - 95% - i am extremely outgoing, social, and energetic
Agreeableness - 32% - i find it easy to express irritation with others [omg im so sorry]
Neuroticism - 76% - i tend to become anxious/nervous

sad, but so true. okay, reading time TGI[almost]F!!!!

♥, moi

so if there was an addiction to naps, i think i have it.

geez, do I nap a lot! and when i nap i can always count on it being 2hours +! It'd be a ton easier if i could count on myself to wake up after an hour, so i can come home during a break, nap, then wake up and go to my next class. but when i nap, my sleepy brain gets activated, and as i slowlllyyy start to wake up for my alarm, my sleepy brain reasons why i don't have to go to class, and gives me ways around it like "read more, you'll be fine in class" "the professor is so hard to understand anyway" "if you miss one, it won't be too too bad" blah. sleepy brain = lazy ass motherfucker.

anyway, i'm awake! an hour before my next class. i really do think it's fine i missed this one. the classroom is so noisy, even the slightest squeak in someone's seat will fail me to grasp the whole concept of a topic. the professor pretty much talks to himself, and i hate it. i always wished colleges would keep a consistent professor in a class. it'd make it easier for so many things: 1. easy way to get a recommendation 2. consistency in grades in comparison to others who take that class 3. if the professor is shit -- everyone will do bad and they can't blame the student
too bad UCR is too big, and low budget to ever be able to do that. (speaking of low budge, i went over my print quote already and it's only week 3! ughhh) tonight's my interview for the law frat. we'll see how it goes. i have to go shop shop shop for nice clothes, which is fine cuz i'll need them anyway. shopping is my only source of happiness right now. is that bad? finding true giddyness and excitement in a sheer silk free people dress is probably not the way to go, but it's a way. and it's been my way since i was 15.

okay, so since everyone's reading horoscopes i decided to read mine and take it apart and see if its true! :) here i goooo...

You may be concerned that you have too many tasks to complete today, but you should be able to do them all as long as you stay focused. Luckily, you have the ability to turn a difficult situation into one that is manageable, but there's little margin for error or for wasted time. Even if you don't finish everything, you should feel good about what you accomplish.

okay soo, i do have tons to do today so a good start horoscope! but i missed one class already so i fail. this could've applied to monday though, so i guess they just lucked out. okay, i'm hungry, my igoogle friends are eating lunch which means i should join them!! :D a plus...

♥, moi

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edit
i have to do a personality psych test later tonight. so i decided to share it with you guys. enjoy!

http://www.outofservice.com/bigfive/

focus focus focus.

story time:
when i was little, about 2nd grade, i went to school and it was so gloomy and rainy. and i totally imagined that all the bad people in the world came out when it was gloomyglooms because that's just how it felt. cold, dark, and miserable. and i had this whole elaborate story in my head about how it'd be so scary if i was home alone one day and someone came to the door and it was a robber with a mask and he was like omg open i want to steal all the clothes, jewelry, and food. although when i was little i knew nothing about pawn shops, so i always figured when robbers stole jewelry they did so in order to give them to their girlfriends/wives/children because they couldn't afford it themselves. anyway, i go to school, see my friends and i remember thinking how bored out of my mind it would be because we'd be stuck in doors playing around in the classroom and not outside. so to make a dull day amazing, i told my friends the story i imagined. instead of saying it was a daydream, i may have implied it happened to me the night before and it may have not just been a robber, but a bunch of robbers. anyway, to sum it all up: two of my then sissy friends cried because my story scared them, told on me, and i got in trouble. i tried to cover it up by telling my teacher it was my dad and his friends wearing beanies from the rain, but that didn't really go so well. but i think i recieved my karma for that white lie, because now that i live alone i get super paranoid and anxious on gloomy days. yes, i suck at life.

living alone is really just lonely.. i always imagine the worst situations in the world to happen, and i'll be alone and no one will ever find me! earthquakes? robberies (mono or group effort)? random epileptic seizures? just like in sex and the city -- when miranda choked on chinese food, and she was so scared and realized that she would die alone because she had no one. i am miranda in a nutshell. oh sex and the city, how i love you...

so i've been thinking about the future a lot recently...i guess it's just a result of being over the age of 21 and not really have a fun, exciting milestone to look forward to in life.
it's not really a new thing, because i ALWAYS think ahead of the game, it's just a result of being a girl. i guess right now i'm at that huge junction in my life and i don't wanna have to get off the freeway and do a u-turn if you know what i mean. speaking of driving...i HATE HATE shit drivers. i was literally gonna kill someone in lot 30 today. like i get it, you need to find a spot, you have to go slow and follow someone...but then leave me room to get around you bamf. my road rage did kinda scare me today - i actually had that urge to get out of my car and kick theirs. but we all know i'm too much of a good samartan O:)

so life. it's shit at the moment. i'm stuck in riverside and my friends are not! ughhh. it's gonna be one of those things i'll be counting down the days 'til i'm done and then wishing i was back when i'm gone. irritating. that happens all the time. why do we always want to turn back time? sometimes i try not to, because i know that always thinking about the past will prevent you from enjoying the future right? yet, that happens oh so often because it's so hard to just forget the past...and you wouldn't ever really want to -- otherwise you wouldn't be who you are today. because we are who we are due to our experiences, biological makeup, and our upbringing.
okay i'm stopping there because the more thoughts i get the more i start to form an argument against myself, and it's annoying me. :/

so i'm taking personality psych this quarter, and i think i'm gonna do a poll every week that has to do with telling me something about your personality! :) so that should be fun-diddly-dun!
i really should say sorry now because i know i will be completely ADD with this, and ramble on and on and on because that's what i do normally, just ask my friends. but i guess it's getting late, i have class allllll day tomorrow. and an interview that i JUST found out about and have to get an outfit ready for. yay! if there's one thing i wish i could try -- it'd be the world of fashion. the thought of being surrounded by beautfiul clothes, fabrics, acessories, shoes, models, makeup, everything is just soo orgasmic. le sigh.

mmk, sleep time soon. bonsoir mes amies et beaux reves.

♥, moi

it feels oh so familiar.

so, it's been awhile since i've had an online blog.

it's kinda scary making all my thoughts public again, but at least i'll get to share them with people that i can't always get in touch with everyday. so for now i will leave you with that itty bitty intro to leave you wanting more. (you as in colleenieweenie, because she's the only one following me/knows i have a blog right now -- and we're on the phone together right now). alors, stay tuned to all the chaos and drama that i call my life. a bientôt...

♥, moi